How to be submissive

By Mama Mabel

Eph 5:24-25, 28 - Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.  Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her...In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

I've been struggling with the concept of submissiveness lately.  It hasn't been that big of an issue for me until recently.  You know, since I got married and had to try to live it.  I've ping ponged to both ends of the spectrum, thinking that either I need to just do what Coondog says or that I need to argue every point with him because I don't need to be submissive if he's not leading correctly.  After all, how can I hold up my end when he's not holding up his?  Aren't I just fighting for the overall good of our family if I know how things should be done?

Recently though, I had an epiphany:  What if there is no "right" way to do things?    I'm not talking about clear spiritual rules here, just everyday life stuff.  What if doing things his way is just as right as doing things my way?  It's really just another way of doing things.  There are pros and cons to each.  We've discussed the pros and cons until we're both blue in the face.  If we can't both get our own way, why should I be the one who does?  What makes me more special than him?  In fact, when we got married, I promised to love, honor and obey, thus giving up my right to always have things my way.  As I made sure to point out at the time, this wasn't to be a blind, unthinking obedience, but a willingness to let him lead since obviously we couldn't both do it.  It's not fair to choose him to be the head of our household, to marry him because I trust in his goodness and love, then to say, "Well, I don't like your style anymore.  I'm taking over as leader."  That's setting our marriage up for failure.

Coondog and I discussed leadership and submissiveness this weekend.  He's agreed that if for some reason he can't lead in a particular area, I may need to step in.  He's human and therefore fallible; it could happen.  However, me jumping in shouldn't be the first step.   I've agreed that the first step is for me to pray about it. Then and only then should I address the issue with him.  If things don't change, I need to pray some more and maybe address it again.  Then most likely I need to drop it.  If it isn't causing any serious harm, I'll let God deal with him.  (Granny Girl calls this "going to the Big Boss.")  Maybe I'll realize that I was wrong in the first place *gasp* and I need to let God deal with me.  Maybe God is working on my husband on His own timetable rather than mine.  God does that sometimes.  If it's a truly serious and urgent matter and I feel peace that God has released me to do so, I will step in respectfully and take care of it.  At this point, Coondog will be responsible for getting his own heart right and not resenting that I had to step in.  This will be easier for him if I'm respectful and I won't have anything to feel guilty about if I haven't tried to stomp on his feelings.

I guess the heart of my epiphany goes back to that age old truth that men crave respect and women crave love.  It's hard for him to show love to someone that appears to disrespect him.  Since it's hard for me to respect someone who doesn't act lovingly, it's a two way street.  We both have to hold up our end.  Submission is basically respectful love - showing that I trust him enough to let him have the final say.  In turn, this will lead him to act more lovingly and the cycle will continue.

I'm still struggling with how to convey respect in a way that's meaningful to him (we have different love languages which is a whole 'nother story), but this whole nebulous concept of submission is finally falling into place for me.  As Coondog says, it's something you don't understand until you understand it.  Hopefully it will become clearer with practice.

Belligerent cow

by Mama Mabel

There was a belligerent cow outside my window this morning.  I don't know what was annoying it even though it spent an hour telling me about it while I was trying to sleep.  Sometimes when things like this happen, it makes me realize how different my life is from what it used to be.  For example:

This morning I drove around 3 different road kill sites.  They'll be gone by tomorrow because we have very industrious buzzards.

Tractors, 4-wheelers and the occasional riding lawn mower are used as if they're regular, street legal vehicles around here. 

Two days ago, I helped Coondog hunt down rocks to put under the car jack we were using to help us chainsaw apart a tree that fell across the road that goes over the mountain.  Two years ago, I wouldn't have dreamed of saying any part of that sentence.  Now I'm proud of our ingenuity.  (For those of you who know me well - don't worry.  Coondog handled the chainsaw.)

I made pickles this week.

I planted green onions and they've survived a whole month so far.

Jeans are both wedding and funeral appropriate attire.  Especially with a beaded, fringed or embroidered top. 

I made an entire Thanksgiving dinner with a hot plate, a toaster oven and crock pots.  I'm ridiculously proud that I did it while still wondering what compelled me to try.

"I was walking my chickens" is a legitimate excuse to miss another appointment.

 At least one thing has remained the same though:  Duct tape really does fix anything.

Reflections on Country Life

By Mama Mabel

Last night we heard a rumble coming up our driveway.  It was one of our neighbors on his ATV, casually coming by to drop off a bucket of eggs.  30 eggs.  All he asked was that we return the bucket so I transferred them to some empty egg cartons and handed it back.  Apparently, he has more chickens than he needs so he has more eggs than he knows what to do with.  He had just gathered these and some were still warm.  He said to call when we need more or he'll just leave another bucket of them on our porch sometime.  He also said that if we get our own chicken house, he'll give us some "white leggerns."  (That's "white leghorns" for those of you who don't speak mountain folk talk.)

While he was there, he and Coondog discussed how they will pull down the dying tree that's threatening to fall on our roof if we let it stand through too many more storms.  He's going to bring his tractor over and guide Coondog through the process.  He's tickled to share his experience. 

Not only is it nice to be part of such a sweet community, it's hilarious to me to have someone roar up on an ATV with a bucket of fresh eggs.  I grew up in the big city.  No one had chickens or ATVs or tractors to help you fell a tree.  Now, we could eat for several days on the eggs and produce that have been handed to us lately by people who use their abundance of land to grow food and raise animals.  It's such a different world and I love it. 

I actually dreamed a few nights ago that I moved back to the city.  Well, it was more of a nightmare.  Everyone was in my personal space, there was nowhere for Ladybug to play, no peace and I couldn't see the stars at night.  It was terrible!  I woke up and pondered how this lady who swore to never live in the country now doesn't want to return to the city.  I credit God's sense of humor.  I'm so glad He has one like mine.

Working out with The Wiggles

by Mama Mabel

Tax season stress eating and inactivity took its toll this year.  I'm almost out of pants that fit and I didn't shrink back as expected once I started eating normally again.  I blame my age.   

As a counteractive measure, I'm cutting out (almost) all superfluous sugar and being a little more limited with the carbs I eat.  This isn't that big of a deal since I spent 10 years as a hypoglycemic on a fairly strict diet so I can adapt.  What is a big deal is the exercise element of weight loss.  You know how they say that diet and exercise are key?  Diet used to be enough for me.  But no more.  I should never have left my 20s.

I've been struggling to find fun ways to work activity into my schedule around working full time, cooking dinner and getting a toddler to bed.  Drawing from Granny Girl and Honey's insights, I've taken inspiration from the Proverbs 31 verse about how the virtuous woman "strengthens her arms."  But inspiration is one thing and action is another.  I've waffled about how to work in a work out.  After several stutter-stops, I've come to the conclusion that it needs to include Ladybug.  Not only will I not have the energy after she goes to bed, but I don't want to take away from my limited time with her each evening to exercise (and there's no way I'm waking up earlier to do it).

So far we've walked up and down the driveway with Coondog, kicked a ball around, and chased each other through the yard.  I want to teach her tag soon but I'm not sure she's quite old enough for it.  I guess we'll see.  A week ago, Coondog tried to teach me how to throw a baseball which was entertaining if not effective.  Last weekend, the same thing happened with a basketball.  All more movement that I would have done without conscious effort.

One recent endeavor was to make it all the way through the Wiggles video, "You Make Me Feel Like Dancing!"  The Wiggles are a group that put out fun and educational videos for small kids.  This is an older dvd with most of the original members and a couple are delightfully gawky.  It's so much easier for me to dance like the person on the screen if he's as awkward as me.  During a waltz, Ladybug tried to have me put my hands on her shoulders and stand up at the same time but I couldn't quite swing it with our height differences.  During the conga, I stood behind her holding her shoulders while we each kept the rhythm in our own non-rhythmic way.  For the most part though, she literally ran circles around me.  Once we did all the dances, we calmed down for a few minutes then she went to sleep very quickly.  So did I.  I was sore the next day, so I guess it was an effective workout.

If you have any ideas for cardo with a toddler, please let me know in the comments.  I could use some more.