An honest prayer

by Mama Mabel

Last week I had one of those days.  I was tired, off kilter.  Slow thinking but with quick emotional swings.

That morning, Ladybug woke before dawn and forcefully demanded something from the living room.  I couldn't figure out what it was until I finally got up and walked in there with her.  She wanted to watch "Gordy," a movie about a talking pig.  I made her go back to bed over her vehement protests.  When I woke up again, even more sleep deprived than usual and now also late for work, I accidentally dumped a pitcher of water behind the baker's rack in the corner of my kitchen while trying to make coffee.  It went everywhere.  This threw me into a blind rage which almost led me to wake up my husband and yell at him for somehow causing me to spill the water.  In retrospect, that might have been an unfair overreaction. 

At that point, I realized that I was being crazy and collected the tattered shreds of my sanity while I mopped up the water.  As I put my kitchen back in order, I prayed to get my emotional state back in order.  My prayer went something like, "I'm sorry I'm so out of control.  I want to honor You with my thoughts and actions but I'm losing it.  I'd like to ask that You please help me level out so I can work for You today but honestly, I'd just like some peace, not more work.  Please help me to serve You anyway."  It was very liberating to open up to God about how I was so weak that I wanted to want overtly serve Him but even more than that I wanted to be left alone and have that somehow be how I honored Him that day.  I knew He understood because He knows my heart and my frailty is part of how He made me.


The rest of my day didn't automatically go better.  I was still on the edge of an emotional breakdown.  I had a small crying fit in the bathroom at work.  I was snappy with Coondog.  Oddly though, I had peace.  When I sank, I bobbed back up quickly.  I remind myself that this is Christianity at its most basic level.  A relationship with God doesn't make everything easy but it does make everything better.  I can still feel like I'm falling into an emotional black hole but the difference is that I know God is by my side, lightening my burdens so they're bearable and offering me the peace that passes understanding which is the only kind of peace I can attain in times of struggle. 

May God grant you His peace today as you deal with the difficulties life throws at you.