Be kind to your tax preparer. They deal with a lot.

by Mama Mabel

Working for a CPA, I deal with a wide range of clients.  Some are great at tracking their legitimate expenses and income while others think ignorance is not only bliss but the safest way to go when dealing with the IRS.  They are wrong.  Here are some funny conversations that have happened in our office.

Me:  I see you sold a cow, was that bought or raised?  [strangely, that makes a tax difference]
Client 1:  I don't remember.  I think we bought it.
Me:  Okay.  What did you pay for it?
Client 1:  I don't know.  What did I sell it for?
Me:  $400.
Client 1:  I think I paid $300 for that one.
Me:  Okay.
Client 1:  Yeah, the guy we got it from owed us $300 so we just kept the cow since he couldn't pay.
Me:  Um, okay. 
Client 1:  Or maybe we traded some hay for it.  I think we traded hay for the cow.
Me:  How much was the hay worth?
Client 1:  Around $300.  That's what we paid for the cow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

My Coworker (MC):  Unfortunately, you owe $12,000 in federal taxes.
Client 2:  How is that possible?  I didn't make any money last year!
MC:  You had a net profit of $60,000 on your business and the taxes include self-employment tax.
Client 2:  But I don't have no money!  I didn't make anything last year!
MC:  Well, a lot of the deductions you had written down aren't allowed by the IRS.  Your business actually made a profit because we can't deduct things like beer or your new fishing boat or your clothes.  Those are things everyone has to buy for themselves and aren't actually business expenses.
Client 2:  That's no fair!  The IRS is just ripping me off and taking all my money!  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Me:  I just need you to bring back the efile authorization with your wife's signature and the payment and I'll get your returns filed.
Client 4:  Okay, I'll be back
[20 minutes later]
Client 4:  Here are the forms.
Me:  Okay, they look good.  If you want to leave a check, we can hold it until your refund comes in before we cash it.
Client 4:  You didn't tell me I had to pay!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MC on phone with client:  What was the land worth that you sold last year?
Client 3:  I don't know. What do you think?
MC:  [beats phone against her head]