Ambivalence

by Granny Girl

I have been told by more than one person that I'm an enabler. I don't think I am, but it would be foolish to disregard the warnings of people who truly care about me. I've been thinking and praying on this for awhile and I still don't have an answer. I firmly believe in the power of kindness, but am I too kind? I think putting others first is a good thing, but am I negating myself to do this? See the ambivalence here?

Last week, at the invitation of a dear friend, I began attending a recovery program for codependent people, or enablers. Since it was my first time to attend, I went to an orientation session instead of a regular sharing session. I picked up a brochure on codependency and it kindly pointed out that on the surface, codependency sounds like "Christian teaching." And then it gave a list of traits that codependents possess. Frankly, I didn't see myself in most of these traits, but there was one that really rang my bell: "Codependents do not ask others to meet their needs or desires." I'm hoping I will learn the purpose of asking others to meet my needs by going through this program. But really, isn't it better to ask God to meet your needs? Once again, ambivalence.

I'm really leaning toward thinking I'm not an enabler. This scripture is propping up my leaning: Col. 1:10-11 "...that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God, strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, for all patience and longsuffering with joy." This sounds to me like patience and longsuffering bring joy, and that God will strengthen me with all might. But I don't want to be blind to a fault that may be holding me back from truly walking worthy of the Lord and fully pleasing Him. Ambivalence. Sigh.